Interlude V: Devils and Deep Blue Seas

 

“AV-Sir,”

Arnav braced himself as soon as he recognized the voice that was calling out to him. He turned to his left only to see Arjun cantering up the small hillock where Arnav was unpacking the materials to be used for tomorrow’s exercise.

It was almost two hours since he had left Khushi by the riverside. Both of them had found their way back to their parts of the returning group of rafters, all caked and matted from a long day on the river. He had quickly hurried up to Aman and filled him about the trip to Rishikesh for Khushi’s anti-tetanus shot. He knew he had chosen wisely in approaching Aman and not his sister because Aman only nodded and quickly changed the topic to things they needed to get done before next morning. He knew he couldn’t ignore Aditi for too long but every extra minute he could steal was worth the grilling he knew he would be subjected to by his Ti-Di. Especially after how they had left things between them early this morning.

Khushi, he had noticed had walked back to her tent. Both Arjun and Aditi had followed her and only Aditi had emerged several minutes later, looking nothing out of the ordinary.

Looking at Arjun now, the first thought that crossed his mind was if Khushi had already refused his proposition. He dismissed it as quickly as it had occurred to him, given Arjun looked as cheerful as always. And given what Arnav knew of his feelings, Khushi’s rejection was not something he would sweep aside without impact.

“Thank you so much,” Arjun said as he came to stand in front of him.

“What for?” Arnav asked curiously even as he straightened his back and winced as a lower back muscle that had been troubling him made its sore presence felt again. Two trips to Rishikesh and little sleep for days now, was not helping. He needed to get some sleep. And yet he couldn’t afford to waste even one moment that he had with Khushi. At least not till everything was clear between them. He could wait for the time she needed to settle things with Arjun but he needed to know that she had no reasons anymore to…He clenched his teeth. How was that going to happen unless Arjun confirmed that…Maybe it was a good thing that he was here…

“For taking Kavi to get the anti-tetanus shot. Though I am really surprised she agreed to go with you. I thought she might have used a thousand reasons that she can usually come up with to not do what she doesn’t want to.”

Arnav looked away and picked up the large net, hiding the rising heat in his chest. His reaction to Arjun – new as it was suddenly, bothered him. Back in IE-V Arnav had been extremely fond of Arjun – his goofiness and general demeanor was so friendly and affable that he was willing to bet his favorite guitar on the fact that there were very few people on the planet who might actively dislike him. So he schooled his features and smiled as he looked at Arjun.

“It needed to be done. And I have been there…so I know it is easy to dismiss but…”

Arjun nodded and then grinned up at him. “I did it, by the way. I took your advice. After all these years. I told Kavi how I feel. Finally.”

The knife in his gut twisted. He wanted to punch his own hand through a rock for the bile that seeped on to his tongue. Looking at Arjun’s open, happy face made him feel like a heel. How could he…Shit…He cursed to himself. “If you still feel that way about her, then I am glad you told her. Now one way or…” He checked himself. “Good.” He said softly and tried to smile.

“I don’t know AV-Sir. That girl drives me crazy most times. You should have seen the look on her face when I said the words. Which other girl, tell me, would not have guessed all these years? Sure, I didn’t feel like I want to be with her all day every day the last four years but…” He shook his head. “For such a smart girl, she is so clueless about…”

“Did you tell her? About Aarohan?” He blurted the words out before he could check them this time. The question had been digging into his skin for too long now. And for some reason, he knew he didn’t need to ask Arjun to know the answer. But still, he wanted to be sure. One final hurdle between them. He needed to make sure it was out of the way.

Arjun frowned and looked at him with a shrug. “Aarohan? That first one…” The light came on in his eyes next. “Ah that.” He seemed to consider a forgotten memory for a long second before he shrugged his shoulders. “No, I didn’t.”

It was a surprise that the skin on his palm hadn’t broken to ooze blood yet. Silently Arnav listened as Arjun continued.

“That Aarohan somehow…you know it didn’t end well.”

He could feel Arjun’s eyes on him. Khushi may have been clueless but Arjun was not. If anything he was sharper than most other boys Arnav knew. And not just gold medal sharp – which was a pleasant surprise and yet strangely expected. Arjun was emotionally savvy. He understood dynamics, used it to help – himself and others – rather beautifully.

There was silence dense as the forest to his right – up the mountain that walled the River on one side. Arnav stayed quiet as he walked over to hang the heavy maze of rope – not exactly a net as the River folks usually referred to it, but not unlike it – on one of the two poles that would hold it up like a tennis or badminton net.

“After Aarohan – it just didn’t seem like the right time and then no time seemed like the right time and by the time you had left college – I had forgotten all about it.”

He continued to work silently as Arjun came up and picked up the hammer than he had been unsuccessfully tried to reach while holding the net in place.

“You know now that she did have a crush on you then, right?” Arjun asked, his voice grave now. “More than a crush, in fact.”

Arnav used all his concentration to keep working as he hammered thick nails through small rope-hoops and into the wooden pole. When he spoke, he knew his voice sounded as even as it always did. “You should tell her, Arjun. She deserves to know. It may…” He crossed his fingers for both Arjun and him and hoped he was wrong, “…it may drive her decision.”

Arjun chuckled and tugged at the net to check if the loop had been hammered well. “Nah! Only if she says yes. Then I can tell her and she won’t be mad. If she says no,” He hesitated and Arnav knew what he was going to say a second before the words were out of his mouth. “Unless there is someone else, I am not going to settle for a no.”

Arnav ignored the voice in his head that urged him to tell Arjun right now, just as he had ignored the voice that had urged him to tell Khushi what he needed to. This was beyond messed up. And somehow, he had become the lynchpin of the tangled heap that the three of them were in. Yet, even if he wanted to, he couldn’t resolve it the way it could so easily have been.

They both stopped whatever they were doing and looked at each other, faces hidden in moonlit shadows and windswept hair.

“You once said it didn’t matter if she liked you because you weren’t available. You are now. Has it changed?”

Arnav swallowed and looked away. This was not his story to tell. And yet, he was the fulcrum of the tale. He wanted to say yes. And yet, he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it to her.

“Tell her, Arjun.” He urged. Please. Or I will have to.

He could see the nervousness in Arjun’s eyes now. And he did what he hated himself for doing. He turned and walked away.

——-

 

He looked back in the direction of the tents and craned his neck to see if he could spot any movement from hers. Except the howling of the wind in his ears, however, all else remained still as a night like this would allow. Ever since the evening’s conversation with Arjun, he was on the edge. And some of the sheen of the expected conversation with her had been scrubbed away. Now there was more worry and withered reason in his thoughts.

It didn’t help that his migraine seemed to be back with a vengeance. It was hardly surprising given just how overworked he had been physically and mentally in the last few days. And despite knowing the consequence, he had ignored his body’s warning signals and refused to rest as much as he needed to. His sister had obviously seen it in the way he ate lesser than usual and doubled his water intake. She always did have that same look he knew from his mother’s when it came to keeping an eye on his health. Years of teasing her about prematurely ageing to be his mother and not sister, had hardly helped.

Arnav looked away and picked up his bottle to take another long swig. Once done, he placed the bottle back and considered strumming his guitar, except at the moment, he was stretched tauter than the strings on his instrument. He looked at his wrist watch and realized it was thirty minutes past ten. Though they had not explicitly set a time, which in retrospect he should have, he knew that Khushi would be out by the river soon. So the idea of walking up to his tent to change and bring his bedding, was out of the question. Sighing, he kicked off his sandals and lay down on his back, looking up at the clear skies.

It was a beautiful night. And it might have been downright spectacular if all he…all they had to deal with was the promise of desire and more. He took a deep breath and gave in to the drumming in his head.

His eyes drifted close as his mind quietened amidst chaos and his breathing became even.

 

River Song, Music and Lyrics

Song Title: Pyaar Humko Hone Laga

Album: Tum Bin

Singers: Chitra, Abhijeet

Music: Nikhil-Vinay

Lyrics: Faiz Anwar

 

Kya haqeeqat hai apni

Kya tumhe batayenge

Kaun hain hum aakhir yeh

Kab talak chhupaayenge

 

{Tum chhupaao laakh humse

Phir bhi sab kuch humne jaana?

Har zubaan pe aayega kab

Hum donon ka yeh afsaana?}

 

 

 

 

Notes:

1. Really really sorry for disappearing without a note. Asli duniya kept me away from my laptop for almost a week (in this day and age, imagine!) – I am recuperating well now :)
2. Next update on Wednesdsay, Oct 26, 2016 – late night IST
3. If anyone here even knows of this song, please shout out. It will make me feel better about my taste in music :P (Tum Bin the album does have some wonderful songs, though)
4. The song is rather dramatic. It may or may not mean much here. Just saying.
5. Oh and sometimes, it really is just sleep ;):)